I
have always said to be a man open to new ideas and to be a lover, not a
hater. I want everything to be likable, and don’t like putting things
down, but Warp is kinda crap.
Warp Demo Impressions
Platform: Xbox Live Arcade(Played), PC
Release Date: 14/2/12
The
game opens with an Alien made of spunk being abducted and sent to a lab
for experimentation, only to find his stolen tool and murder everyone
who had the poor foresight to realize that you should not mess with
space jello when it can pop you like a balloon. The gameplay mechanic
of Warp is is the title, you can warp through walls and into objects
that you can destroy, this includes humans, but making humans pop like a
microwave potato gets old when it is your method for killing every
normal looking scientist. In fact, the entire game feels like a hobo’s
version of ‘Splosion Man,
one of my favorite XBLA titles, so instead of talking exclusively about
Warp, I’m going to compare it to something that I actually enjoyed my
time with.
Let’s
start with the character designs. Warp has normal looking humans,
globs of goo, turrets, guards with one-hit kill guns, and a notebook
sketch for a protagonist. Nothing about the main character seems
unique, he’s just orange goo with limbs, a black mask, white eyes, and
an uninspired symbol on his crotch. On the other hand, ‘Splosion Man
has cartoon scientist who blow up into meat when they’re ‘sploded,
Cakes hidden in every level, guns that make you vulnerable to another
hit, and fat men who you can grab and switch the game’s music to a song
about doughnuts. All of this topped off with a character who remains
memorable, and doesn’t look like a rejected minor character from De
Blob.
While
both of these games take place in laboratories, have many things that
will kill you, and a 2.5D art style, with Warp being overhead and ‘Splosion Man
being a side view, the actual level design is incomparable. The
starting areas often lack sufficient level designs, and it may be wrong
to judge them right out the get go, but I struggled to find my way
around Warp. And it doesn’t help much that the game has secrets all
over the place and it wants you to move quickly, while viewing one of
the worst maps I have ever witnessed in a game. I can barely see
anything due to the lack of a zoom function, and everything is mashed
together, and hard to make out due to the fact that the background is
mostly black. Other than that, you explode through levels that feel
cold, lifeless, and like they were designed for a generic military
shooter. The fact that you’re a teleporting glob of goo that blows up
people made me think that this game would look like it’s trying to be
fun, but instead it feels like it was made on an assembly line, and the
artist was a man raised to suppress his inner child in order to become
better at life. Compare this to the linear, reflex based, colorful
levels of ‘Splosion Man,
that can be cheap on occasion, but never feel impossible. Twisted
Pixel knew that if you wanted to create a likable character who burns
people alive and destroys government propriety , you need to make him
laugh and give the game a simple, but visually pleasing aesthetic.
The
only part left is the gimmick, but I don’t feel like I need to explain
why short distance teleporting is not as cool or fun as blowing people
up into hams and wall jumping by spontaneously combusting. I am amazed
how little attention was given to the game by it’s developers, I do not
know who made this title, but it very much feels like a waste.
Teleporting through walls and blowing people up could be fun, but
instead it feels like a masturbation tool for a psychopath.
